And So Begins My Hiatus From Technology

On 02.16.10, In God and Christianity, My Life, By Alexander

I am surrounded by distractions.  Every day, from morning to night, my life involves a computer, a “smart” device, or some other gizmo that is destined to make my life easier.  At work, this is inevitable – I work with and on computers as a way to make a living – i cannot avoid that, at least not right now.  However, in the morning, the first thing I do is check news and technology updates via various services on my iPhone.  When I get home in the evenings, instead of doing something – anything – else, I almost immediately begin streaming movies or TV shows over Netflix “because it’s something to do,” and simply because it’s there.  I have music playing or a TV show running whenever I am doing almost anything else – including writing the first part of this document.  When even that is not enough, I have my iPhone on standby with an app store at my beck and call, waiting to deliver any one of a thousand games to entertain me, even for a little while, for just 99 cents.

My iPhone goes everywhere with me.  It’s my connection to the world of the internet, the millions of people, places, news sources, cool new things, and every other little distraction in my life.  XKCD, Wikipedia (that one’s a doozy), failblog, Facebook and twitter – which i update sporadically, admittedly, but they are massively distracting nonetheless – the ability to know what’s going on in friends’ lives in 140 character snippets is surprisingly attractive.

I lose touch.  The distractions are a growing cancer on my soul – pulling my focus to the world and it’s interactions, and away from where it should be – on God.  Now that’s not to say that I am against the world, and the things it has to offer – I believe that much is good, so long as it is taken in moderation, but the old adage stands true – “too much of a good thing…”  Let’s just say that with the more toys we have, the more likely we are to worship them, and the knowledge, entertainment, distraction, or whatever other aspect that they bring to our lives instead of our Father.

That said, I’m going to try an experiment.  Something that I have never done before, something that isn’t a new idea, at all, but new to me.  I’m going to see how much I am missing due to these parasites stealing my attention from where it belongs.  I am going to sever myself from my interface with the world, at least when I am not at work.  Starting tomorrow, Wednesday, February the 17th, 2010 at 0900hrs, and ending Wednesday, February the 24th, 2010 at 0900hrs I will no longer be involving myself with communications devices and methods outside of my normal work hours – and will be using said devices only for work during those same hours.

I will be disabling email from reaching my phone – at all – for the next week, and will be using parental controls to block access to the web and the apps on my phone.  My phone will be, for the first time in 2 years, just a phone (albeit with a very expensive dataplan).  Twitteriffic will be disabled, and Facebook will be unavailable.  If anyone needs to reach me after 6PM, it would be in your best interest to call me, as I will not be checking mails.  My xBox will be dismantled, the harddrive stored in a separate location, so that i cannot get my instant fix of Netflix.  I do have a computer set up at home with the basics – Cyberduck, Textwrangler, and Safari, so that, in the event an emergency does crop up I will be able to do something about it.

I will have my camera and my voice recorder, and I will still have a phone with which I could attempt to become a lot more social again.  I won’t be getting “news” from people’s status updates, and if i want to know what’s going on with them, I’m going to have to make an effort.

So, here’s to a week of living distraction free, with the time to focus on the things that truly matter in life.  I pray that it leads me in the right direction, and that I realize what all is going on around me, that I have allowed to pass me by for so long, and that I am properly putting myself into a position to become stronger in my walk with Christ.

And if anyone wants to grab a beer, hang out, or just talk, I’m definitely up for it =]

~/A\V/

Postscript: There will be one final twitter/FB post announcing this to everyone, so that they know that I’m not actively ignoring them, around 0830hrs tomorrow morning.

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Why I Am Still Single

On 02.14.10, In God and Christianity, Relationally Speaking, By Alexander
Interesting title, I know, real deep, mind blowing.  Stuff of the ages.
I have, however, been thinking about this subject a lot recently, especially today, it being the 14th of February and all (thanks Hallmark), and I’ve come to a few realizations.  Most guys – at least most that I’ve interacted with – I am ex-military, after all, and spent a lot of time developing a camaraderie of sorts – are truly afraid of the potential of rejection.  But that’s not my trouble.
There are a few women that I am really interested in, this is true.  And the fear of rejection is something that I have already defeated (please, don’t even ask).  I’m not worried that they might already be involved with someone, I am confident that I can handle most any situation that a “rejection” would lead me to.  For the longest time, however, I have been blaming my inability to actually do  something about my feelings on this arbitrary – and convenient, mind you – “fear of rejection.”  Now, however, I realize that there is something deeper involved.
It is a combination of my past, and of my upbringing, along with my faith.  Emphasis on my faith, here, actually.
On the first note, I was primarily raised by my mother – at least in the years that healthy development in regards to forming relationships is concerned.  My father…  was… less than an ideal role model for what a husband should be like in a proper man and wife marriage, and after my parents divorced (no fault of my mother, I assure you…) and he went off marching to beat of his own drum, my paternal influence was even further diminished as he and his _ahem_ liveinguyroommate began a “relationship.”  But that is just some background.  Sins of the fathers and whatnot, yet I do not blame him for my current disposition.
No, my present state and mindset comes from fear alright, but not of the heart wrenching feeling of rejection (which, sucks by the way, I won’t pretend to gloss over that, at all), but of a fear of not being the spiritual leader that my (hopefully) future wife needs me to be.  I have to be able to bear that responsibility – don’t get me wrong, i know it’s a two way street – and I have learned from past relationships (perhaps that shouldn’t be in the plurality) that being the rock of the relationship isn’t something that comes naturally to me.  My fear then, I’ve realized, when faced with the opportunity to approach a young lady with the potential to engage in courtship, is that I will not be able to be the cornerstone, that I am more suited to the state of a willow.
I am attracted to God residing in these women (please, don’t take that as there are oh-so-many of them, there aren’t – that would just make me…  something negative), and I recognize this.  I am attracted to the spiritual connection that they have to our Father, and this is something that I truly value when considering the pursuit of a relationship, in fact, I value it above all else – above physical aspects, intellect, everything – though, I would prefer to date and possibly marry someone that could hold conversations about technology and the sort, I realize that that might be a tall order – girls typically aren’t as in to that sort of thing like us nerdy-type guys – and that, I think, is what makes it so hard sometimes – I fear that their relationship with God is far greater than my own, and, well, Corinthians has a lot to say on that subject.  Let’s leave it at that.
I desire to be the leader in a God-centric relationship, I desire to be able to grow in Christ with a loving, caring, uplifting, glorious relationship, learning more and more from each other with each passing day, but I fear that I am not mature enough in my own walk to take on that responsibility.  I will not allow myself to be an anchor, at least, not again.  So I pray.  I pray that God will lead me in the way that He needs me to grow in Him, and that He would be preparing me for the relationship that I Hope that He has stored for me in my future.  I will know when I am ready for this responsibility, be it by internal, or external signs, of this I am sure.
I think John Piper says it quite well – “Marry so you can prefect the pursuit of one woman for a lifetime” (thanks Ken), but I would like to add a bit to that – “Marry so that you can perfect the pursuit of God with one woman for a lifetime.”
~/A\V/

Interesting title, I know, real deep, mind blowing.  Stuff of the ages.

I have, however, been thinking about this subject a lot recently, especially today, it being the 14th of February and all (thanks Hallmark), and I’ve come to a few realizations.  Most guys – at least most that I’ve interacted with – I am ex-military, after all, and spent a lot of time developing a camaraderie of sorts – are truly afraid of the potential of rejection.  But that’s not my trouble.

There are a few women that I am really interested in, this is true.  And the fear of rejection is something that I have already defeated (please, don’t even ask).  I’m not worried that they might already be involved with someone, I am confident that I can handle most any situation that a “rejection” would lead me to.  For the longest time, however, I have been blaming my inability to actually do something about my feelings on this arbitrary – and convenient, mind you – “fear of rejection.”  Now, however, I realize that there is something deeper involved.

It is a combination of my past, and of my upbringing, along with my faith.  Emphasis on my faith, here, actually.

On the first note, I was primarily raised by my mother – at least in the years that healthy development in regards to forming relationships is concerned.  My father…  was… less than an ideal role model for what a husband should be like in a proper man and wife marriage, and after my parents divorced (no fault of my mother, I assure you…) and he went off marching to beat of his own drum, my paternal influence was even further diminished as he and his _ahem_ liveinguyroommate began a “relationship.”  But that is just some background.  Sins of the fathers and whatnot, yet I do not blame him for my current disposition.

No, my present state and mindset comes from fear alright, but not of the heart wrenching feeling of rejection (which, sucks by the way, I won’t pretend to gloss over that, at all), but of a fear of not being the spiritual leader that my (hopefully) future wife needs me to be.  I have to be able to bear that responsibility – don’t get me wrong, i know it’s a two way street – and I have learned from past relationships (perhaps that shouldn’t be in the plurality) that being the rock of the relationship isn’t something that comes naturally to me.  My fear then, I’ve realized, when faced with the opportunity to approach a young lady with the potential to engage in courtship, is that I will not be able to be the cornerstone, that I am more suited to the state of a willow.

I am attracted to God residing in these women (please, don’t take that as there are oh-so-many of them, there aren’t – that would just make me…  something negative), and I recognize this.  I am attracted to the spiritual connection that they have to our Father, and this is something that I truly value when considering the pursuit of a relationship, in fact, I value it above all else – above physical aspects, intellect, everything – though, I would prefer to date and possibly marry someone that could hold conversations about technology and the sort, I realize that that might be a tall order – girls typically aren’t as in to that sort of thing like us nerdy-type guys – and that, I think, is what makes it so hard sometimes – I fear that their relationship with God is far greater than my own, and, well, Corinthians has a lot to say on that subject.  Let’s leave it at that.

I desire to be the leader in a God-centric relationship, I desire to be able to grow in Christ with a loving, caring, uplifting, glorious relationship, learning more and more from each other with each passing day, but I fear that I am not mature enough in my own walk to take on that responsibility.  I will not allow myself to be an anchor, at least, not again.  So I pray.  I pray that God will lead me in the way that He needs me to grow in Him, and that He would be preparing me for the relationship that I Hope that He has stored for me in my future.  I will know when I am ready, be it by internal, or external signs, of this I am sure.

I think John Piper says it quite well – “Marry so you can prefect the pursuit of one woman for a lifetime” (thanks Ken), but I would like to add a bit to that – “Marry so that you can perfect the pursuit of God with one woman for a lifetime.”

~/A\V/

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